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PENGUICON Report

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Apr. 23rd, 2008 | 11:51 pm

All of my photos available here:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/7933997@N03/sets/72157604704294277/






We arrived at the Troy Hilton at around 1:00 in the afternoon and took in our first familiar breaths of the the world that is Penguicon. We strolled around looking for something to occupy our time, come to find that nothing had actually started yet. There seemed to be some kind of event still going on in the hotel, in fact, so we resolved to take our aimless gallivanting elsewhere. We made our way down the sidewalk in seek of amusement and food and noticed what appeared to be a triforce symbol imprinted into the sidewalk. We, of course, found this to be the most hilarious thing ever, and as I fumbled with my camera to take a picture of Charlie and Chris pointing at it like the giggling ninnies we are, a middle-aged, portly fellow wandered up to us to see what we were doing. We explained the potential Zelda reference that we were fixated on, but he didn't seem to be the gaming type. He was apparently part of the renfaire crowd, as it so happened, and rambled on something about dragons and furries. Eventually, we found ourselves at Starbucks and parted ways with this our scaly friend.



Our original intention this weekend was to stay with Chris' crazed, Polish grandmother, but upon arriving at the hotel, Charlie and Chris somehow managed to rope me into the idea of the three of us doing some number of hours of volunteer work in exchange for some number of hours of 'crash space', deciding that six hours of sitting through anime is preferable to one hour of driving back and forth between Chris' grandmother's house and the hotel. I don't think we quite realized what we'd gotten ourselves into.

So we endured the wait to register, having to fill out the registration forms while juggling the booklets and pop they provided us with. I soon came to realize that this convention may has well have been Aspergerscon. Lots of clearly anti-social, rotund people with round faces and no apparent testicles. Lots of bald men with mullets prattling on about laser systems of some nature that perhaps two other people in the world had ever heard of. A very surreal, almost saddening environment. I accepted some kind of strawberry-cream candy rope from a giant furry ox. These are my people.

We attended an event called 'The Geek Singles Connection,' half-hoping to find some ladies (Or find me some ladies, I guess, as I was the only straight, single one between the three of us). As we found out, there was like one or two ladies there. We didn't stick around long.


The opening ceremonies were interesting. They featured a faux-GlaDOS voice that was mildly amusing. We got to see Jay Maynard, the Tron Guy, who came dressesd as some webcomic character that I've never heard of. We got our first glimpses of XKCD creator Randall Munroe. We went to great efforts to get as many pointless photos of him in a totally stalker-esque fashion, due to our raging, heterosexual hard-on for him and his comic. (I exaggerate, of course, but he is a pretty cool, funny dude)

"I can has cheeseburger?" - Tamora Pierce



We stopped by Quiznos for a quick dinner, trying to return as quickly as we could for the Tesla Coil concert, somehow forgetting completely Penguicon's reputation for starting things on time. It ended up taking over an hour and a half for the concert to start. It was a ridiculous wait, but it was a great show. Giant metal structures firing off stray bolts of electricity to the tunes of such favorites as the Mario Bros theme song, the Beetlejuice theme song, and numerous others. We then headed over to a panel about NASA featuring Randall Munroe, whose figurative cock we were all too eager to stroke.



That night, we sat twiddling our thumbs, wasting away the hours as we fulfilled our six hours of horrible anime in exchange for about four hours of sleep. What fun. For a while we had some younger girls chilling out with us, blocking doorways and being a general nuisance to the anime-watchers, but we at least enjoyed their company. One of them was actually pretty cute, to be honest.

I've liked a few animes in my day, but jesus christ, what a load of shit. I mean, there are probably some good ones out there, but a lot of it is total fucking tripe. The first one we watched was some inane dribble about maid-princesses that murder people or something. It, of course, had anime cliches coming out the ass. We then watched some weird-ass Highlander anime. It was seriously some of the most dry, repetitive shit I've ever seen, except for maybe the one female character with ridiculously fucked up bodily-proportions who sometimes used profanity which made her hilarious. Oh, and there was some kind of token-black kid who was pretty weird. The anime room never stopped being the most depressing place on earth. I've never known elderly men to watch anime. What has the world come to.

I was awoken from my slumber, curled into a ball, on a little chair, at 6:00 in the morning, and it was time for the real sleep to begin. Fabulous. We stumbled wearily to the room they had set aside for volunteers. The vague scent of urine and medicine hung in the air. Wonderful. I laid down next to a blanket-hogging lump on the bed and sat there, half-awake, for two hours. Day 2 had begun.

THREE O'CLOCK: RANDALL TIME

FOUR O'CLOCK: RANDALL TIME

FIVE O'CLOCK: RANDALL TIME

Yeah, our day consisted of following around the object of our apparent man-crush and attending all of his events. Some good stuff there. His signing event was pretty crazy, though. I finally walks up to him, see, and I says to him I says "You can make change, right? Because I've got like three $1s and two $20s and these prints are like $5." Randall indicates that we can in fact do this, so I give the lady my money. At this point, her brain apparently explodes into a million pieces and several incorrect money transactions are made as Charlie interjects to attempt to pay for me, and no one knows what is going on. Finally, as we begin to resolve the problem, that fucking giant ox appears out of fucking nowhere to give Randall a package, containg a stuffed bobcat. Okay, that was pretty funny. So we try to get a picture with my camera, but everything ends up dark, so Chris' new friend Steve swoops in to take a decent picture. Finally, we get the picture, and complete the money transaction, and Randall signs my print. He crossed out the words 'Mr. Bond' and wrote 'Mr. Gallagher'. What a guy.

Later that evening we had some of Randall's strawberry-banana-liquid-nitrogen ice cream. Liquid nitrogen ice cream being a Penguicon staple. I actually felt bad when I came to find out it was pretty mediocre. Last year I had some chai-tea flavored ice cream and it was the best fucking thing ever, so I told Chris this would be the most orgasmic-tasting delight he'd ever consume, but I ended up eating those words.



I got some pictures with some pretty awesome cosplayers. That was fun. The masquerade itself was kind of a drag, though. I tried checking out the Guitar Hero room, but there were only two people there. Finally, the dance rolled around. While I had nothing on Chris' shirtless dancing prowess, I had fun. I got really exhausted a few times, though. Afterwards, we went to the anime room for our volunteer duty. I laid down and the next thing I knew it was seven hours later. I'd slept through all the anime. Good deal. All in all, the only work we ended up doing was when Charlie fetched a Coke for one of the guys actually running the room.



Sunday was pretty uneventful. We went to a couple events, and then we left. In the end, I felt like maybe this was a little weaker than last year's Penguicon, but maybe it's just me. Maybe my expectations were too high. I did have fun, though, and it was totally worth it. I'll probably go next year, assuming the quality of my social life doesn't spike dramatically before then.

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Comments {2}

(no subject)

from: orvan-ox.insanejournal.com
date: Apr. 24th, 2008 12:43 pm (UTC)
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Me? Giant?

I do apologize for getting in the way. It was not my intent to interrupt your transaction.

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Dylan G

(no subject)

from: hmcstudios
date: Apr. 24th, 2008 03:04 pm (UTC)
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Naw, it's okay. It was just seemed like really crazy timing from our perspective, given the circumstances.

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